Hey there, so if you have been following my posts up to this point you know that my wife is going to be a surrogate mother. She is doing something that a lot of women say they couldn’t for one reason or another. Some wouldn’t be able to deal with carrying the baby for 9 months then handing that child over to the intended parents right away. Others wouldn’t want to go through the effort to be a surrogate mother, with all the legal paperwork, IVF treatments, and even going through a pregnancy and not being able to take the child home. Some women just don’t want to be pregnant ever, or be pregnant ever again, because let’s set this straight, being pregnant can be hard work, and it is hard on the mother’s body. There are many other reasons why other women will not even consider being a surrogate I’m sure if you can think of other reasons go ahead and let me know in the comments below!
Now where to start? I got it, let’s start with Mandy’s pregnancy with our daughter Snow! Finding out that Mandy was pregnant with Snow was really unexpected. Mandy and I just completed some college courses at a local community college and we were in a situation where we had to move back to our hometown because we couldn’t afford to live in the city where we were attending college, and we ended up not being able to go back to finish our schooling. We found an affordable one bedroom mother-in-law house that was perfect for the two of us….two of us… It wasn’t long after we moved in and settled down when Mandy had missed her cycle. She waited a while just to see if it was late, and then it was a no show! Mandy was devastated, at this point in our life, we were not planning on having kids of our own. Mandy could have gone her whole life without having children, I, on the other hand, wanted children someday, just not this soon. We were not making much money and we didn’t own a home, and we haven’t finished school. Absolutely wrong time to have a baby in our opinions, yet here we are, expecting a child.
Snow wasn’t planned, but she wasn’t an accident because an accident has negativity drawn all over it, but she was unexpected, and what an unexpected blessing she turned out to be! After the realization set in that we are going to have to raise a child, we shook off the initial shock and started to get ready for this new addition to our family. I can’t remember exactly when, but I believe Mandy’s turning point from devastation to general contentment on having a child was when she started to feel the baby move inside her. That maternal instinct kicked in. Or was it when her morning sickness went away? I can’t remember, all I remember is seeing someone who felt trapped by becoming pregnant get set free and embraced it, and knowing that our child couldn’t have a better mother. After the morning sickness, Mandy absolutely loved being pregnant. She loved feeling the baby move, she loved not having monthly cycles, she loved seeing the baby in ultrasounds, she even loved her doctor and prenatal care team!
Now is where I brag about my wife some more. She had such a great pregnancy that she worked as a waitress all the way up till 4 days till her due date! She was always on her feet doing something. We even went hiking a week before she was due and she had no problems keeping up with everyone! After she gave birth and healed up from it, she even weighed less than her pre-pregnancy self! I believe it is because she took real good care to eat healthily and that she was always moving around.
Fast forward a little bit, about a month after Snow was born I changed jobs. My new job was working for ICON Aircraft. I started with them before they moved the whole company to northern California. I moved our family 300 miles up from southern California to about 30 minutes west of Sacramento. 300 miles away from our families, well from our main pack. I have some extended family in the Sacramento area. For the first three months up here my wife, my child and myself lived in a hotel as we waited for our apartment to be ready for us to move in. Those three months were really nice because one, we didn’t have to pay for the hotel stay, my company paid for it, and all relocation expenses, two we didn’t have to do any house cleaning, and three free continental breakfast! Alas, all good things have to come to an end, and we moved into our apartment In the beginning of October 2015.
Not long afterward is when Mandy really started to look into becoming a surrogate. She really out of the kindness and love of her heart wanted to help a family that couldn’t have a child of their own. She contacted a few agencies and was turned down because of her stance on termination. We found out most agencies will not work with non-terminators or people that will not have selective reductions. This really discouraged Mandy. She thought that she would never be able to become a surrogate. The last agency she tried with seemed promising because even though she said that she was non-terminating the agency contacted her with a follow up to her application to allow her to clarify. The agency said they work with a small number of non-terminators and told Mandy that it usually takes them a lot longer to find a match, but it isn’t impossible and that they would be willing to help match Mandy if all the screening goes well. Mandy was ecstatic! She was so happy to hear that they would work with her because at this point she was about ready to give up. We met with the agency in person and from there on the whole process couldn’t have been smoother.
I’m not going to lie, I wasn’t on board with the surrogacy idea at first. I would have supported my wife because that is what husbands are supposed to do, but as far as showing interest, or wanting to be involved or participate, I didn’t have much desire. I felt jealous, I didn’t want to share my wife’s body for this cause. If she was to carry another child, it should be for us! She goes through the struggle and the labor of being pregnant just to give the child away? It felt like my wife wouldn’t be 100% mine anymore. Who would want to share their wife with anyone for any reason? Besides polygamists? Nobody, and swingers, that is who, and I am no swinger. My attitude toward her being a surrogate started to turn straight around once I dropped my selfish wants to hog my wife and when I started to notice what it would mean to her if she did this. I started to notice that if I didn’t let her do this, or didn’t support her I would be an asshole because my reasons for me not wanting to do this is completely out of selfish reasons and had no real reason why she shouldn’t. When I saw her light up when she got the call that they wanted to move forward in interviewing her my heart melted. I couldn’t keep her from this, and also I couldn’t support her fully. This is a great desire of her heart, and my desire of my heart is to be a great husband that cherishes my wife’s heart, to see her happy and emotionally well. I have to throw in another reason why I had to support her as well, we moved away from all of our family because of me, my job, I took her away from people she loved and cared about, so now it was my turn to let her do her.
So far I do not regret my decision to support my wife through this, I love seeing her truly happy and excited over this, and I wouldn’t trade that for anything anyone could give me.
During the in-person interview we basically went through the application questions again but with more detail and some new questions were asked. Also, I was asked how I felt about everything and asked if I would support my wife through this process with the obvious answer being “of course I will!” How could I not support my wife’s deepest desires? I felt so much better with the whole process after this interview, and my excitement for my wife grew! She is that much closer to becoming a surrogate! The people we work with in the agency are all awesome and super helpful, we couldn’t have chosen a better agency to work with, and the icing on the cake, the agency isn’t too far away from where we live! I have so much more to add but I feel like this is a good breaking point.
In my next post, I will touch on some of the things that we had to do before they started matching us as well as when we received the news that we had a possible match! If there are any questions or comments please feel free to comment below or go to my contact page to send me an email. We would love to hear from you! We hope that if you find our journey interesting that you will subscribe to my blog and follow us on this wonderful and crazy adventure!